Time to rethink the gender rules

Whether at home or a public urinal, there seems to be no place where women are not discriminated against
Sexual discrimination begins early in India. It begins in the womb with sex-determination tests. Once a baby is born, the ayahs at hospital have two rates for baksheesh: more for boys, less for girls. Even the eunuchs who clap and demand money after the birth of a child ask for more baksheesh if it is a boy.So, will the worldwide campaign ‘16 Days of Activism’ against gender based violence and discrimination change anything?
“More than discrimination, what’s worse is how much it’s ingrained in us and how we practice it,” says Tejaswini Madabhushi, an NGO worker and a feminist. “I get surprised when I see women drive a motorcycle. Or when I think of a doctor or an engineer, the first image that pops into my head is that of a man. If I want a friend to drive me to some place, I’m more likely to call a guy friend. It’s not like I think of these on purpose, though. It’s just how it is,” she shares.
The 16 days activism began on November 25, will end on December 10. While harassment, molestation and eve teasing make it to the newspapers, it is the subtle forms of sexism and discrimination that rules women.
Sexism exists because of notions of the roles that each gender is expected to play, feels Greeshma Rai, a lawyer. “Right from school, you’re told that your mother should be a dutiful housewife, while your father should be the breadwinner of the family. And that boys should be better at sports than girls,” she says.
Public spaces
Do an experiment, ladies. Walk into an Irani café with a bunch of your girlfriends and in all probability, you will be ushered into the ‘family’ section. Question them on why and they might just say, ‘Aapke liye achcha hoga’. “Usually, public spaces like bus stops and Irani cafés are male-dominated. And if a woman tries to venture into these places, it’s an enter-at-your-own-risk idea that people have. If something happens, they’ll say it was her fault,” says Greeshma.
At home
Think of a family dinner and you imagine the woman serving food first to the male members. Not just women, but even men agree to having the position of privilege at home. “The rules for my sister and me are totally different. I can stay at a friend’s place and return at any time and I won’t be questioned. For my sister, a thousand questions will be asked,” shares Suresh Ghattamaneni, an NGO worker. “Of course I feel this is more to do with concern than discrimination. I have seen worse things in my friends’ circles. They don’t allow girls to pursue higher education. If the food is non-vegetarian, the prime cuts always go to the boys. It’s not said rudely, but it’s almost like a woman is expected to sacrifice for men in the family,” he points out.
Movies
Boy sees girl. Falls in love. Girl hates boy. Boy stalks girl. He troubles, pesters her and chases her. And, for some unfathomable reason, she falls for him. Both are in love. Happy ending. NathaWahlang, who’s pursuing her PhD in University of Hyderabad was shocked when she saw the routine. “I haven’t watched a lot of Telugu movies, but somehow, every story in a movie has to have a stalker. And what’s more disturbing is that it’s considered normal!” she says.
Educational institutions
Almost every second college in the city has a dress code for girls. Ever heard of a dress code for boys? No. This is because rules don’t apply to boys. Even at universities that don’t have dress code, women are expected to “dress decently”. Recounting one such incident, Natha says, “I was wearing a half-sleeve top and a skirt and this lady from the administration comes up to me and says: “You shouldn’t be wearing such clothes”. I was stunned, because I didn’t know what to say!”
And when an untoward incident takes place, segregating the two sexes seems to be the most common response. After the rape of a student at EFLU the university segregated the hostels.
Public washrooms
The civic body which is trying to leapfrog into a new age has planted a series of toilets on the arterial roads of the city. These are the brand new, green and odourless toilets — for men. “This is so ridiculous! Just because we don’t urinate in public, doesn’t mean we don’t have to use the washroom. Women will have to start peeing in public for them to come up with one such toilet for us,” fumes EmmelianaD’silva, an MNC employee.